Since I joined this past Sunday night, I’ve spoken to a diverse
group of people who are seeking marriage. Everyday it’s someone
new, with different specs and different qualities to offer. As a
married person, I can speak about the subject marriage with a
different perspective than single people (95%+) so I’ll take the
liberty to do so if for no over reason to relieve myself of the
uneasiness that overcame me after hearing about one too many
height and eye color preferences. I became a little overwhelmed
when I couldn’t keep the information straight (Was it Adam or
Nabeel who wants a 23 year old sister who loves kittens, at
least 5’6’’, from a Hyderbadi family, with no brothers, and in
New York or Jersey? Was it Nehal who said she prefers darker
males at least 6’0’’, a degree in culinary arts and no accent? )
Yes, I’m exaggerating and NO, I’m not saying that it’s not okay
to have preferences, (Allah knows I did) and my beloved didn’t
exactly fit the image I had in mind, but alhamdulilah, I feel SO
blessed to have him just the way he is. Couple things to think
about:
§ Look for Deen first, but be open-minded and remember that if
the person is honest and has a sound heart, through sincerity
and knowledge Allah will make him/her a stronger Muslim.
§ Get rid of your 101 things I want my husband to be, say, and
do because it aint gonna happen. It’s not a perfect world. The
only perfect world is Jannah. At the end of the day, it’s the
soul, not the body that you’ll want to spend time with and chat
with before you fall asleep.
§ When thinking about what you desire in a spouse, look in the
mirror and consider what you have to offer. There should be some
level of compatibility in deen, education, appearance, etc. so
if you have a 9th grade education and think your going to marry
someone with a Masters degree, THINK AGAIN. Your expectations
shouldn’t be too low or too high, just reasonable.
§ Don’t rush into anything. The married people on here would
agree that marriage is a test and the same way you walk into an
exam overconfident, not taking the time to get to know the
material, is the same way your marriage will fail if you don’t
TAKE YOUR TIME.
§ Make Duaa. It’s Allah who grants marriage, no one else,
nothing else so turn to Allah. Marriage is such a blessing and
it requires A LOT of duaa (try it every night before you go to
bed).
§ Trust in Allah. Consider something you didn’t expect a
blessing in disguise. An inane example, today I lost a “How to
critique a Poem” handout I designed for my kids last year that I
wanted to use for next Thursday’s pre-tenure evaluation. It was
perfect and I turned every paper in my bazillion files of lesson
materials and nothing! I was frustrated and down until I found
an even better one in an unutilized resource book given to me
last year. We can all think of major and minor things of which,
when we were initially denied, felt a great sense of loss only
to realize later that it was the best thing for us. Allah works
in ways that we can’t even begin to understand, but we can rest
assured that in the end, it WILL work out to our advantage if we
simply trust that Allah knows best because he knows us better
than we know ourselves, knows what our futures hold, and thus
knows who would best suit us in the life long commitment of
marriage. And you might be doing everything right, but it’s not
your time, you’re going to have to be patient… my dear friend
Umbreen sent me a quote last year that reverberates in mind
every time I desire something, but don’t get it when I want it-
“Allah doesn’t always come when you want him to, but he’s Always
on time." THINK ABOUT IT.